Start clean in your relationships.
Most people have experienced a tough relationship and breakup at some point. If you find that beginning new romances is hard for you due to lingering feelings of resentment and bitterness from a past relationship, then it is a major sign that you are clinging on to some serious emotional baggage. Carrying the load of emotional baggage around can prevent you from moving on and attaining the happiness you deserve in new relationships.
Instructions
1. Keep your stories to a minimum. At the beginning of a romance, be careful not to reveal too much information. If you overwhelm a new person with endless anecdotes of what a jerk or sociopath your ex was, it may give off the impression that you are still not over the past and therefore not ready for anything new. Do not scare potential romances away with obsessing over what is now history.
2. Maintain your faith in love. Remember that just because you had one bad apple doesn't mean that all of them are the same. You wouldn't want everyone to judge you based on one bad person, so provide others with that same respect. Even though it is understandable to feel a little bit jaded about romance when the wounds are still fresh, realize that you can only go on feeling that way for so long.
3. Control your situation. If you are having difficulties getting over your relationship baggage, consider what you may be doing to contribute to this. If your ex cheated on you and you still keep in touch with her, maybe you need to think about eliminating all ties with her. If she still is in your life, she serves as a constant reminder to you of what could happen in a relationship. When someone is influencing you negatively, do what you need to do to regain your clarity and perspective.
4. Understand your own emotions. When you want to heal from the pain of past relationships, take a little bit of time to pinpoint all of your feelings. Think about what incident from your former relationship made you feel the most betrayed, angry or upset. Think about what you wanted the other person to do differently, and perhaps maybe even about what you would have done differently if you could do it over. Figure out when you knew the relationship was doomed. The clearer grasp you can get on the past, the easier it will be for you to handle your feelings in the future.
5. Admit that perfection doesn't exist. Just because your past relationship wasn't successful doesn't mean that you can't attain a strong relationship in the future. Almost everyone has at some point experienced a devastating breakup. A breakup doesn't mean in any way that you are a failure. It just means that like for everyone else, your life isn't perfect all of the time. Take the emotional pain of your relationship baggage as a learning opportunity that you can use in order to carve out a better relationship next time.
6. Cut future partners a little bit of slack. If you are on a date with someone new, avoid constant comparisons with your ex. If you do this, you are only looking for problems and an excuse. Realize that this person has nothing to do with the person who caused you so much pain, and that he shouldn't have to pay for what someone else did to you in the past.
7. Have fun. Just because you were hurt before doesn't mean you need to be gloomy permanently. Give yourself permission to just enjoy yourself and all of the possibilities of a new and exciting relationship. Getting to know a new person can be a fulfilling experience. Dive into your new relationship by giving it your all.
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