esay as sunday morning
Lonely is not the same thing as alone. I speak from personal experience. I devoted six years of my life to a relationship that left me feeling like the land that time forgot, alienated and, yes, lonely. But you don't have to settle for being alone, or worse for being with someone for whom you experience no real 'spark'. Finding your soul mate doesn't have to be a frustrating, humiliating trial. It's easy and it's not magic. Let's break this down: the relationship you're looking for is not sought after because it's some idealized fantasy of perfection but because it is a healthy and loving partnership with someone who you respect and genuinely like. So what are the fundamental pieces of this equation? They are: healthy, loving, partnership, respect, and genuine friendship. If any of these are missing it's not going to be right. So now that we've operationally defined what we're looking for let's talk about achieve it.
Instructions
1. Stop sabotaging yourself.
You have got to stop making excuses! You are not limited by where you live; there is nothing about you that automatically attracts all the wrong sort. If you want to find someone you are going to have to make the time. Many of us tell ourselves that the timing is not right, that we'll start looking after we change some major aspect of our lives or ourselves. But this is just another form of procrastination. You should examine your own reasons for not taking action. Just what is it that's keeping YOU from not changing YOUR situation? Are these reasons really worth putting off your ideal relationship?
2. Are you shy?
So was Dr Albert Ellis, the American psychologist who in 1955 developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Know what he did about it? He forced himself to talk to 100 women in the Bronx Botanical Gardens over a period of a month. He staked out a park bench and approached every woman who sat on it. Doing this he reportedly desensitized himself to the fear of rejection. If you're shy I don't envy you. I know it's hard but there is no magic bullet that's going to make you not shy. You're going to have to decide which is more important, maintaining the comfortable distance from others that keeps you from finding your mate or getting into the nerve wracking, invigorating mix that will ultimately yield you soul mate. If it's the latter, you are going to have to roll up your sleeves and power through, red-faced and sweating. I promise it gets noticeably easier every time you do it and then after it's not crazy scary anymore it's just kind of exciting and fun, like a rollercoaster with no surprises.
3. What if you are trying but it's not happening?
Simply define exactly what's going wrong with your attempts. It's actually good news if they are all going wrong in the same way. This means that there's some consistent aspect to the equation. I bet it's you, more specifically I bet it's something you're doing. What behaviors of yours could have the logical result of the negative consequence you are trying to avoid? How could you change these behaviors?
4. It's a numbers game, play it like a mathematician.
Now that you've examined yourself, decided to stop procrastinating, to power through the shyness and to change your approach if necessary, you've done the hard part. It's smooth sailing from here because the rest relies only on your ability to make yourself as visible as possible, to accept offers from people who are interested in you and to continue dating those who feel right while discontinuing your association with those who don't. I assume you know who you like, right? I hate to break it down like this, but it's really just like job hunting. You get your resume out there, schedule interviews, and make judgments. It's easy to be deceived by a company up front and find yourself in a situation where you don't belong. The same is true of potential mates but winners do not allow themselves to become complacent, they do not let the understandable and entirely normal fear of loneliness cloud their judgment; they cut their losses and get back out there! You aren't doing yourself or anyone else any favors by settling for something that's obviously not going to work.
5. You need to use online dating services.
This is a marketing gig, plain and simple. You are hopefully meeting people while you are out at night. You are talking to people during the day. If you are ignoring online dating services and singles sites you are ignoring a viable mode of transmission and turning your nose up at a massive targeted group of potential soul mates. That just doesn't make any sense. You need to sign up for some online dating services immediately.
Tags: dating services, going have, online dating, online dating services, going wrong, healthy loving