Handle a Deployed Spouse's Two-Week Mandatory Leave
To prevent exhaustion and burnout, deployed soldiers are offered a block leave of 15 days for those deployed at least 12 months, and 18 days for those deployed longer than 15 months. During this period of time, soldiers can return home and spend much needed rest and relaxation with their loved ones. Although the idea is a positive one, these temporary retreats are not always easy for the soldiers or for their families. They can be overwhelming, stressful, confusing and disappointing. The following are step-by-step instructions for coping with your spouse when he comes home on temporary leave.
Instructions
1. Give your soldier his space. The first thing you may be compelled to do when you see your long-lost soldier is to run to them and give them a big squeeze, which will most certainly be reciprocated and greatly appreciated. We all want to feel like we are loved and missed when we are gone. After the initial welcome home, keep in mind, it has been a long time since your soldier has had personal physical contact with loved ones. They may seem uncomfortable with grand displays of affection or constant handling. If this is the case, gradual increases in affection may be the best method.
2. Be a good listener. Your spouse has been trained to face stressful situations with bravery and fearlessness. Although they may seem stoic on the outside, on the inside they may be experiencing unresolved conflict over disturbing incidents they have seen or heard over the past few months. Pressing your spouse to express their feelings with direct questions is not the best way to encourage healing; instead, keep your ears open. Try to create moments of silence in the conversation in order to allow your spouse to bring up issues they may be pondering. Staying silent and supportive is the best way to respond to these topics. In other words, keep your opinion to yourself, regardless of what that opinion is. If you listen carefully enough, your spouse will reveal the response they most hope for you to have.
3. Don't force your spouse to discipline. If you have children you have most likely been playing single parent for many months. This role can be very taxing on a person. Your relationship with your children may have evolved to where they solely rely on you for comfort and discipline. It may be tempting to have daddy step in and assert himself in troubled areas with your children or to have mommy comfort the kids when they are injured or frightened but try to avoid this for the time being. Allow your spouse to develop or repair a positive bond with the children in their own time. This person may seem like a total stranger to the children which would make them very uncomfortable with negative feedback. For this temporary stint, continue with your normal discipline routine and let your spouse be the "fun parent" for now. This will make easing back into a more traditional parenting role more seamless for everyone in the long run.
4. Don't bombard your spouse with activities. You may have been anticipating this joyous reunion for some time. In addition, your spouse's friends and family may be anxious to spend some quality time with them as well. Although, you may have a long list of activities and day-trips planned to maximize your time together, the best thing for your spouse may be to do nothing at all. They may be in great need of some rest and some "down time" while they are home. She may not even want to travel to see extended family or friends. If this is the case you will want to keep these people at bay to allow your spouse to get the peace they need and deserve. Try to plan short visits where your spouse does not have to do the lion's share of the traveling or explain to disappointed relatives that perhaps the end of the deployment would be the best time to get everyone together.
5. Make your spouse part of your daily life. You have spent the last several months living your life without your spouse. One of the best ways to get through a deployment is to stay busy and create a routine in order to make the time fly by as quickly as possible. Once that routine is established it isn't always easy or beneficial to upset it for the few weeks your spouse is home. As a result, your spouse could end up feeling like their family has moved on without them or doesn't need them anymore. To prevent hard feelings, allow your spouse the opportunity to participate in your day-to-day routine. Your children will be proud to have their deployed parent take them to school one day or attend a sporting practice with them. Your spouse could help them with homework or help you with yard work. As long as you don't overwhelm your spouse with duties, they will surely love to see how you spend your time while they are away.
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